SEXUAL PROBLEMS IN WOMEN: ORGASM PROBLEMS

March 27th, 2009

Any woman who cannot masturbate freely and enjoyably proves that, for one reason or another, she is unable fully to accept her genitals, her sexuality and her right to have pleasure. Sex for her is something a man does to her. Some such women claim that they have never ever been at all sexual. They deny ever having experienced sexual arousal, sex dreams or desires. While some say they have always been like this, others trace it back to some event such as the loss of a particular partner, a rape, having a baby, and so on. Their genitals are perceived as being totally unpleasurable. Depending on her personality, a variety of strategies such as explanation, education, careful history-taking, clinical examination and so on, can be used by a therapist to demonstrate the fallacy of her belief. Starting from her positive thoughts about what turns her on, however meagre these may be, the therapist then expands her sexual consciousness gradually until she blossoms in a way she never dreamed of. A depressed, drab, under-confident and sexless woman can rapidly become a new person. Such a change is often not as welcome to her partner because he may have chosen her because she was so inhibited, and her new self puts him in a dilemma. At this point psychosexual therapy may be necessary for them both.

The next step in helping such a woman to masturbate efficiently is to establish proper masturbation using any device, circumstances, fantasy, erotica or movements which appeal to her. When she has achieved masturbation on her own and is confident, she can then demonstrate her ability to her partner who should encourage and help her, perhaps sharing some of her fantasies with her. Gradually he takes over and learns to masturbate her as well as, if not better than, she can herself. He encourages her to masturbate regularly and shows his pleasure at her success. Intercourse, which has usually been quite deliberately stopped during treatment, is resumed with either partner continuing her masturbation until she learns to have an orgasm with the penis inside her vagina. The left-lateral position is ideal for this.

After this the couple can find the particular positions for intercourse which suit them best whilst being encouraged by their therapist to expand their erotic lives, to experiment, to use whatever sex aids appeal to them and to devise sex games if they want.

In all this it is important for the man to discover or work out as much as he can about the woman’s real sexual inclinations and wishes whilst unobtrusively monitoring her sexual responses to a variety of situations. Obviously, the above outline is very basic and personal elaborations are endless, but if things go well the man becomes an expert on foreplay for his partner, rather than following advice in books, which may work well for other women but not necessarily for her. Since a woman will do almost anything for the man she loves and enjoys giving him pleasure, the scene is set for a deeply satisfying sex life for them both.

These techniques are applicable to all the sex problems listed by women in the survey we mentioned earlier. Occasionally, physical illness such as diabetes or any condition which reduces the woman’s level of testosterone can account for some problems and this will need appropriate medical treatment.